Bitchy Wall of Consciousness

I've been nursing an amazingly stubborn headache since morning. And so forgive me, if I am bitchy today. And I'm writing, no spewing my line of angsty consciousness without care and censure.

I had to cancel my dinner date with my guy bestfriend because I just don't think I'd be good company tonight. Being a zombie is not
good, right? And he has this amazing knack of seeing through my kaplastikan, so he'll know anyway that I'm faking my enthusiasm.

So here I am, at home. Cocooned. Finally. After hours of secretly nursing the twin towers of headache and sleepiness in a whole day meeting that was totally not my field! Aaack, it was fun though as I had a bit of chika moment with one of the clients (who was from the UAE). So the client has dived in the seas of my beloved Davao and was even fluent at speaking in Tagalog! (The bitch in me thinks, aaah this guy must have dated a Pinay or two!) Anyhoo, not my type~ But it was crazy when he'd comment something in tagalog during the meeting and nobody understands his comments but me hahaha! Great, at least it helped distract me from my effing headache.

Not because I was hungry, since I've totally lost my appetite after I barfed my cornflakes breakfast in the office earlier today, but I knew I had to eat something so I decided to indulge a bit and went to a chi-chi boulangerie near the office, Au Bon Pain. Bought myself a pricey chicken mozza sandwich and a cookie to-go. And ate them at home. Or at least attempted to eat them. Yuuuck! IThat effing sandwich was worth twice the two piece Chicken Meal in KFC and the sandwich tasted like sawdust :-( the bread was supposed to be a rosemary ciabatta but it was effing dense and totally yeasty. Aren't ciabbattas supposed to be hole-y and mildy flavored?). Oh and the cookie, that 100 pesos cookie was a sugar time bomb. Grrrr. I should have bought myself chicken tenders in McDo instead. Serves me right for being hoity-poity. That's a 10,000 won lesson in avoiding Au Bon Pain for life!


Anyhoo. I hope to God I do not freeze while sleeping. It's supposed to be autumn in Seoul, but the weather god have decided to punish us with winter temperatures this early! Aaack. I hate winter. I hate using the room heater because it causes the air to be utterly dry causing me, literally, to nosebleed. And so, because I am stubborn, despite the 1 degree temperature, I do not use my heater, Instead I sleep with a battalion (okay, two) of comforters to keep me warm. Haaay, this weathr might just be the reason why I am sick.


Last night, I had fun talking with my secret friend. We call each other secret friend because we keep each other's secrets. Gets? Haha. So there of course we talked about London. Foggy, faraway, goddamn beautiful London. It's halloween, and if we were only back in London, we'd have a party, complete with silly costumes, chocolate fountain and the drinks! Tequila, vodka, wine, Guiness. Anything goes! Alas, it's always the case though, how life has a way of fucking off with your happiness, thus the recession and the subsequent goodbye to my beloved Europe. (Although I might have very well gone to Spain if not for my stupid case of love-foolery. I could smack myself forever when I remember how I gave up Spain for effing Seoul! Haaa, goes to show how stupid I was then in handling love.)

Anyway, because I am in a no BS mood. I remember one of the biggest BS I got in my life. "Importante ka sa akin." Lol, Okay, maybe I was important then because he could have his way with me , because he knew I was hooked (and loved him) despite knowing that there was absolutely nothing for me there. Except tears and a bad case of guilt. I think men would say any bullshit a girl wants to hear just so they can manipulate her. I think men have turned this into art. Which means that most of us women know (although of course some of us are stupid enough to hope against hope that it's not the case), I think girls always know deep inside when they're just being played. They know where they stand almost instantly--bestfriend, lover for the moment, 3rd party, wife material, or wala lang, bored lang ang mokong sa buhay nya and available ka kaya ikaw ang napagtripang bolahin.

But you know what I've learned? We women can also play the game. We can also play men and use them as pawns. And why not? At just to be clear, I don't mean to use them as in literally or pagkaperahan ha. WHat I meant is we can charm our way into making them do what we want. The difference is, we don't promise anything naman. Women kasi don't need words, lambingin mo lang, kunwari magiliw ka lang, magpakawitty ka lang, maging girly ka one time, then tomboy the next, mag-ala Martha Stewart ka lang. In short, mag-adjust ka! Read his mind! It's easy to know naman which facet of your personality is most likable to a given person. And yun na, pwede mo nang i-charm ang mga guys sa paligid mo para makahingi ng favor haha.

Bad ba? I don't think so. Bitchy lang. But sometimes, it's mighty fun to be a bitch. Wala lang, boring naman kung lagi kang goody goody. Kelangan may spice of bitchery~este bitchiness.