On the cusp

I tell myself, you didn't do so bad, you know. There's college and work. There's the travelling. There's the bragging rights of having earned and squandered your first million.

But these are superficial things. The stuff you use to scare away people, to shoot down the braggarts, to convince them, or sometimes, to convince myself, that, hell I did good.

I am smiling, earnest as I type this up. What have I really earned? Which of what I have is really important? What have I really learned?

I learned that an outgoing personality is something that can be developed. It only takes practice and a bit of bravery to leave behind your shyness. I am, in reality, such an introvert. But this world is made for social interactions, and so we have to try to be as genuinely open and accepting, to learn how to adjust our selves to the people and the situations.

I've fallen in love a number of times. So that one's up my belt. Been there, been hurt! Yes, grown-up love is complicated. Sometimes, you settle for what you know is wrong because you foolishly are programmed to believe in the all-encompassing power of the L word. Well, we're human so what can we expect of love---it fails, it gets confused, makes hasty choices and sometimes, it ultimately ends.

One thing I learned is this, I may be a bit unreliable as a partner, but I am a good, nothing can break this bond type of friend to those I love. I count my friends, those who have become like anchors to my sometimes sinking ship as the best relationship partners I have at the moment---steady, non-risky, and best of all, minimal pain for maximum fun!

And I learned that each of us have the capacity to survive all odds. That sometimes it's wrong to take pity on someone. That will not help him. The easiest way to be of help to a suffering person is simple, it doesn't even cost a thing. Talk to him. Just be there. Most of the time, all we really need to gain back our spirit, to have the strength to fight it out is this--to know that someone sees us, that we are worthy enough to be recognized as a kindred being.

Tomorrow I step out a year older into the cusp of my thirties. And there it is..in my hopes. I feel so ready to be transformed..again..