Dysfunctional

Somebody remarked, to spite my brother, that we’re a dysfunctional family. Which just shows you how taboo it still is in the Philippines to have families with single or separated parents.

Yes my parents are estranged. They are friends though, unified in their concern for me and my brother. Maybe we are not the regular family, but I am old enough to know that they really tried to make things work. Nobody enters a marriage with separation or annulment in mind. And they gave it their best shot, for us, their kids, for twenty five long years. And to my father’s credit, he’s always there when it counts, providing for us and being really, really supportive in everything. He’s this cool dad I can run to and talk to about anything—business, politics, my writing. Hell, he even comforted me when I was all broken and near-deppression.. He’s still a husband to my mother even if it comes with the reality of him living in Davao and my mother staying in Manila. He is there when it counts, like when my mom’s kidneys failed or when my maternal lola died unexpectedly.
My mother on the other hand, after retiring, has turned into the typical stay-at- home mom. She enjoys the simple things-—reading inspirational and devotional books, playing with her big labrador, keeping house and cooking for us when we’re at home. Those might make her appear soft and yielding, easy to break. But realize this. She got over a bad break from my father, shifted her attitude and mindset and now she’s even happy and enjoying being alone and independent. She was the one who told me, You'll get over it. Look at me. and for that alone she is admirable. She has made peace with what she can still have with my dad, and so now they're friends and are finally seeing eye to eye.

They are both uncommitted to other people, but they are realistic enough to know that at this point they want different things. That bitter and scathing remark made me look at our lot. And guess what, we may not be the perfect family but after the drama we went through (one important fact:every process of separation is made up of a cascade of dramatic moments, with us the children as the unwilling participants and exhibits), after all that, time and perspective have tempered us four to know that this family set-up is good enough for us. We’re happy and maybe we are and I say, in Bon Jovi fashion, Baby we give dysfunctional a good name. ;)