A Letter

In a few weeks it will be your turn. I remember a few months ago how you expressed fear, trepidation at the thought of reaching that milestone without anything to show for it. And how you were scared that maybe it will be downhill from here. It now seems like a sham, a big conspiracy for women to place so much emphasis on this turning point. Perhaps, it’s just to make us feel inferior, to make us less secure of our footing in this world. Because it’s such a shallow thing don’t you think? To expect each of us to be all from the same cookiecutter mold—- to be settling down with someone, to be planning for a family at this age. Have you ever considered that maybe it’s all in your mind?

I'll let you in on one thing, I think the pressure to be married at thirty, that it's just a load of BS. Maybe in the 60's that would have been believable. But the world is now our playground and there are so many things that you can do without becoming all desperate at finding the one ASAP. Stick this ito your mind, 30 is young. It won't make you old, or passe, or less desirable.

Learn from me, girl. My plans got screwed the year I was to turn thirty. All that marriage plans thrown out of the window, and I, who had the delusion of being totally strong and independent, suddenly turned into this clingy person who so stupidly stooped down to abyssmal levels for something and someone who was not worth it. Looking back, I think nearing the big three-zero made me more desperate and thus more stupid. I felt then that I was losing the best thing in my life, that if I tried hard enough, and fought for it (or him) I'd win. And part of that was my fear of becoming single again just when I was supposed to be settling down.

I honestly thought at that time that I'd die of heartache, but here I am roaring again. Much braver, with more scars yes, but all the more better for it. An important lesson in love that you should know is this: Love is not always worth fighting for. You only fight for it when there's two of you on the same side. It is stupid to fight a double's match singlehandedly. You will most likely fail.

If you let yourself step out of your stereotype, you'll see that life is great. Look how far you’ve come. Isn’t that achievement in itself?
You were lucky to have parents who sacrificed so much of their comfort and happiness to send you to good schools and provided you with all the chances to make good in this world. You have a job that enables you to not only use your degree from uni, but also allows you to travel the world. How many twenty somethings can brag of having lived in Yokohama, Seoul, London and KL without worrying about plane tickets or allowances? Yes, it takes only money to visit these places, but you lived and breathed the ordinariness of being an expat not a tourist, experiencing their culture deeply, learning how to cope as an outsider looking in and for those experiences alone you should be grateful.

It does seem that we both did a lot of growing up this year. And for all the crazy, unbelievable stuff that went over and above our heads, You and I, we both learned how there is beauty and joy in being alone. That friends can make you smile but ultimately it would be your task to make yourself happy. I am turning thirty too soon enough, and you know what, I am excited! It feels as if it’s a turning point for a better, braver me. I have so many plans and goals in the pipeline, and having learned my lesson well, most of these dreams are for me and me alone. Things that can be achievable with patience, a little good timing and His will.

And so we shall win it all, because, being twenty nine turning thirty, we are still young but not young enough to be foolish.

----------
I wrote this as a Letter to Myself, but this also goes to most of my friends who like me are turning thirty soon.