Blessings

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice

--Mary Oliver (from her poem, The Journey)

When a day such as yesterday hits you. Being accused of something bad just for being back in Seoul, I knew I needed something to make me remember that life is beautiful and kind to people who do nothing but follow their dreams, that being good is worth every single empathy you could muster to show in the face of stupidity and judgements.

So I am writing this piece about X.

X has about five more years to live. At most. His eldest kid just graduated from kindergarten a year ago. Which means he will not be there to see her marry, have kids. Hell, he might not be here long enough to see her blossom into a beautiful stranger.

And yet, X is the most grateful person I know. To have that five more years. To even be here, breathing and hoping for that slim chance that maybe it will stretch out to six, or even ten.

And he is the kindest person in the office. One time, it happened that we rode the same train going home, so I cornered him and asked him questions.
Why are you so kind? I asked him. Was it because of five years ago?

He laughed that gentle smile and said “ Dati na akong mabait, pero oo may effect yung nangyari five years ago. Kung kaya ko naman tumulong, bakit hindi?”

So just as we were talking his mobile phone rang. Another officemate who lived about three stations from him was asking X to go to the man’s place to help him set up his computer.

Then not five minutes after. Another call. This time from another officemate who was asking X to please inform them when X arrives because they ran out of rice for dinner. So X volunteered to go home, get some rice and bring over the rice to the officemate and then go back on the train to go the the other officemate’s house to help him with the computer.

And this was at about half past nine in the evening, on our way to our separate homes after working late in the office.

I told him to his face. You are irritating with your goodness. Don’t you feel that people are already taking advantage of you?

He simply laughs and repeats his answer earlier. I guess he’s in a different level altogether.

I asked him, Did you ever lose hope back then? Like did you ever think it was hopeless?
He said, definitely, every step of the way, Yes. Because at one point, after six months of artificially cleaning off the toxins from the body, at one point he didn’t even have enough funds for dialysis. He knew that if he didn’t get the transplant soon, he’d die.

The story how he went from dying to this point, happy for the five more years in store for him, is the stuff of our engineering circle’s legend.

Grabe, parang suntok pala sa buwan yun ano? I said after hearing his story.
He said looking back he couldn't believe that it was possible to have survived it. Even after selling properties, their funds were not enough, the six months of dialysis alone waiting for a donor depleted their funds. But he wanted it badly and more importantly, somehow, he came in contact with people who were so willing to help. It was simply this: the right people helped. His Japanese bosses donated sums of money, some of his friends looked for possible kidney donors, some lent them money knowing that it might never ever be repaid again.

I even went on TV,He says. How he asked for Presidential aid and was interviewed on air for that.

I asked about the life span. And he says it out. My nephrologist says most kidney transplants last for 10 years maximum and then the transplanted kidney begins to deteroriate. I’ve used out five, and I have five more, max.
The other option is of course for him to undergo another kidney transplant, but he says, Mahirap. And he says he doesn’t consider that option at the moment.

Alam mo, he says, I was lucky with my nephrologist. When I had the kidney transplant, I didn’t have enough money to pay for the doctor’s professional fees so my nephrologist agreed to have it paid in installment. Mind you, he says, it’s not only her PF but her whole team. So when he paid, what the doctor did was give his payments to her team members first. Sya nga ang nahuli kong binayaran. One year after the transplant. He tells me she was even the one who connected him with the Presidential office for a medical aid.

I told him, Ang bait naman ng doc mo! Then he said the doctor’s surname, Paz. And I shrieked.

She’s my cousin! Then I told him my story, or at least my mother’ s story. How when I was in London, my mother developed acute renal failure and had to undergo three months of dialysis. And my cousin, who was his doctor and my mother’s too, took care of my mother fully, monitored her, ordered her dialysis and tests, FOR FREE. In all honesty, my mother’s health is in great part a gift, a show of goodness and devotion from Ate Melo.

He kids me, kaya pala may pagkakahawig kayo, halos magkasingheight kayo and parehas matangos ang ilong nyo. Haha! I laughed, then he says in a joke, sobrang bait talaga nung pinsan mo, kabaliktaran mo. Hohoho! May tama ka dyan!

And so we were smiling with this piece of lucky coincidence, and it made me wonder in amazement, how earlier, not less than an hour ago, we viewed that five years in totally opposite perspectives. And how, people like Dra. Paz and her goodness will always connect us.

Five years. What I, an onlooker first thought as sword hanging over his head, is for him a blessing, a gift he fought hard for, and a chance to be here, to give back goodness and kindness to those he could help.

And there’s Ate Melo, his amazing doctor who I’ve only known as this older cousin who is close to my mother. Who, despite being a doctor, is the most humble and cheerful relative we know. It took X’s story for me to wonder how truly amazing her passion is: truly, not only in a medical sense, but truly saving people’s lives.

That same night I messaged her to relay the news that one of her transplant patients is my officemate. And this is what she had to say:” He’s one of my favorite patients! Because he fought hard and still continued living and working after the operation. Unlike most who lose their sense of being whole and begin to rely solely on their families .”

And so I am reminded that in the scheme of life, it is these blessings—people, events, seeming coincidences, people knowing (and helping) other people - -that hold the weave of our faith in the benevolence of living. It’s a reminder, a pat in my easily angered self that the small hurts will not matter if we could use these to draw enough selflessness to be a blessing too to other people.