Dear xoxo

Sometimes we have to suffer for the things we ask for, even after they are granted. I don’t know why you turn to me for advice or assurance. You are so older than me kuya, you should know how to deal with this. Besides, I am a klutz in love , God knows how badly I screwed up my past relationships. I guess it’s because you know me well enough to realize that much as I want to, I lack the ability to sugarcoat my advice and my dissection of things, they are as sharp as the knives stuck through your bleeding heart.

This is what you want to hear from me: that maybe there will still be a chance for the two of you, no matter that both of you are married and with children. Despite knowing that both of you will never have the courage to leave your respective marriages. You love your kids too much. But you still cling to the hope that miracles do happen. That life has a twisted path which will lead to your one true yearning, that you two be given a chance to love each other in this lifetime.

You will go through those phases---the hope, the longing, the anger, the acceptance and the moving on. And somehow it will not always be a linear thing, years from now, while sitting by the beach a wind of memory will pass by, and you will remember her, long for her briefly and let out a long drawn sigh. This thing that you’re going through, it will mark you. And the truth is, it will never be completely gone. But you, despite the impossibility and the improbability of it now, you will get over this pain. And you will find a way to live and grow and nurture yourself back into your best self.

If anything, having gone through a string of failed relationships teaches us that yes, we will never get everything we want, but that in each of us is a spirit stronger than we can ever imagine. And how our capacity to recover, to grow despite our pasts and our pain is miracle enough. So do not despair. I know XoXo that you will not listen to one word of advice from anyone at the moment. Your heart is as stubborn as a child who cannot fathom how it is not possible for him to fly. In your eyes, everything can happen, you and her is not impossible. But know that whatever ending this leads to, you will get pass this feeling, this powerless, this dark milleu. One day, whatever happens, whether you end up together or not, you’ll recognize how these black days are just a stones thrown in the lake of your being. You will be well soon.