ON LOSING WEIGHT

What is losing weight but a way to regain myself? It is cutting out the sins of my regrets, loosening my ties with sweet and savory lies, false hopes and the pillowy mounds of momentary pleasure I’ve taken to so I could escape the brittle parts of living.

We each have our own show of narcissism, our easiest paths to feeling better. Mine was food—ice cream, pizza, even chocolates which I hated before. Food was the one thing that I could get without fear of vulnerability . It melted my anxieties as momentary pleasure coursed through my senses only to settle at my hips, coagulating into tiny blobs, those badges of hidden despairs.

I look in the mirror and the slim body I’ve had for the most part of my life is now engulfed by flabs, trophies of my brand of self-love/hate. Eating was a rebellion to all that I was before. A point came when I just gave up and took to mindless munching. I told my self, Control? what for?

But now the doctor is worried as my immune system have declined so markedly the past months. I look in the mirror and hate what I see. And I know that it is time to let go and get back to taking care of myself.

I’ve done this before, losing twenty pounds in just over a month by combining jogging with intense weight training, and limiting my food intake. I know that foregoing rice is my one biggest weight loss catalyst. I so know what works for me, though for so long I’ve thrown them out because it was food that calmed my soul. But whatever discipline I lost in the wake of healing my pain, I am slowly slowly regaining.

My love for brisk walking/ jogging has returned and slowly slowly I’m adding cardio and weight training activities to complement the burn. I’ve began feeling the high after working out, that release of guilt, the giddiness and pleasure of exercise.
My food love have began to wane and I’ve started to go back to conscious eating. I’m relearning the art of saving the calories for food that I really love, minimize the mindless snacking that have become a night time habit.

Losing weight is not a walk in the park but it is not rocket science either. We all know what to do, and how. More than returning to being slim again, I am psyched by the possibility of becoming fit enough to climb mountains and the certainty that if I do the hard work, I’ll be rewarded with a better way of living.