A Confession

I went on a date with a very special man today. He treated me to lunch at Le Ching, that little chinese teahouse known for rude waiters and delicious and inexpensive hakao. It was something we haven’t done for so long. He and I used to frequent Le Ching almost every week years ago. And coming back here, seeing the still familiar faces of the waiters, the chance to savor the familiar taste of my once favorite dimsums with him was something comforting, bringing about a feeling of peace, of being safe and free to be guileless because of his mere presence.

After our late lunch, we went around the complex which has been made unfamiliar by our long absence and estrangement. And out of character, he bought me a shirt. It’s a chocolate brown baby tee imprinted with a Pinoy logo. It’s not something expensive, but coming from him, it is almost too precious. That simple act of giving something to me made me remember the old times when he was always physically present, when all it took for him to give in to my whims was a pleading look and an earnest “pleaaase”. And it also made me realize that I will almost always act like a 13 year old when I’m with him.

We roamed around the center for hours, where he shopped for casual shirts. And before going home, just like what used to do many years ago, we dropped by the Native Delicacies section where he bought chichacorn, spicy pusit, sylvannas, tahong chips and taro chips for me and my brother.

I spent the afternoon with the one man who always loved me unconditionally, and who I realized, despite our bitter points of dissonance, still does. At one point today while I was deliberating whether to get Taro Chips or Tahong Chips and me finally deciding to get them both, he remarked how I am still such a hoarder when it comes to food. I just smiled because it’s true, I will always be the bratty, cheapskate daughter who’d try everything to force him to buy me what I want.

I don’t know with other women if they ever outgrow being a daughter. But even at my age (28!), when I am with my dad, I revert to being a child without care and without fear. It is only with him that I feel safe all the time. I can throw caution to the air, act bitchy and forget worries about my weight, my career, or any of those things that adults are preoccupied with. Because with my dad, I know I don’t have to act strong, or bright since he’s there to take care of me.

I suppose most women my age would cringe at the prospect of going on an afternoon date with their fathers. But this is what I realized today. While yes there is something to be said about how a date with the BF is romantic, fun and definitely enjoyable. There is also something joyous and soothing with reconnecting with the other important man in your life. To appreciate how with our fathers we are almost always assured of a love that lasts a lifetime.