Deserted

I hate coming back to an empty, dark flat. I am alone again. And utterly sad. Because I am alone, confused and I don't have my dad to turn to, or my brother to laugh with. I so miss them, I miss coming home to laughter. I would trade the the barely six hours sleep I had for the past week they were here than these long nights. Suddenly, my father's suggestion of staying put in Pinas and starting a small business is so tempting! I am at this moment tired of being alone, and If I could, If I was reckless and if there were no consequences, I'd have run home to them, than be here, so desolated, chilly in this autumn air.


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While we were yapping about a few nights ago, my brother remarked how we seem to always live near airports. Our house in Davao is just 15 minutes away from the airport, and my mother's place is about ten minutes away from NAIA. And then I kinda laughed, and told him its true! In London, I lived only about 20 minutes away from Heathrow. And in those three places, the sound of planes buzzing above us in midflight has become so commonplace, we don't even get bothered by them.

My nieces, when they stay in Paranaque, would get all excited by the drone of an airplane passing by. They'd run out of the house the moment they hear the buzz, eager to catch and watch the plane zooming by. The eldest one would get all amazed when I tell her I've hopped on and off planes so many times. She gets glassy eyed and then ask me if one day she could too. I smile and pat her and promise her that one day she'll ride one.

Riding and seeing planes have become sort of what my life is. Planes have become metaphors for what I do now. Both a vessel for goodbyes (sniff!) and beginnings. How flitting back from Pinas to wherever I am working, they make our life bearable, knowing that there is always that option of flying back home. When I am in the right frame of mind, I embrace these air buses and the adventures they can take me to. But now, all I want is a ticket to people who love me. How for someone like me, shifting from being a nomad and a homebuddy, planes are my life's little trojan horses.